For Becky

Picture Reblogged: thefairytaleblog

She looked up at me with delicate eyes. Looking back into yesterday as if it were a looking glass, I wish I could whisper, there are so many things I want you to know. I wish I could go back, and shake my shoulders, as if to say, look back! But she ran and ran so far away, searching for her dreams. Her heart had broken, the clock on the wall like a collage they all strike at once, going off in the street, they all ring true, louder and louder as his fist hit her nose. Later his martial arts kick left a little crack, one of her ribs, it hurt to breath in, for long after….The cupboards were empty except for chocolate icing. She ate it slowly and over time. Her friends showed her the way. They couldn’t believe she was a natural. But nobody understood their plight, who couldn’t see underneath the lamplight. She knew it was dangerous. She knew it was wrong. And so she got out before they got in too deep. Scrounging for pennies, and the silence ringing true, looking around, finding no one there. Her heart longed to be held tight. She needed love, nurturing, but instead they left her alone that night. They walked out of her life. Leaving her to her scars, she began to weave the blanket of lost memories. The night shone bright on that suburban street, houses from the fifties, all in a row…The quiet stillness that was in the air, serene and beautiful backdrop to the beginning of a new time in life. For he found her a patch of grass, then a couch to sit onto, next a basement floor that was in the way, then it was camping in the rain…They all stood underneath the lamplight of this forlorn and forgotten dim world, and she began to cry. He told her to stop, they’d pull their resources, they might…And the whisper years later that haunted down the halls, that she should have explained to the little girl who looked up to her that day, that she had been left behind, too many times to count. She had finally understood, after the ten millioneth time of getting stepped on, and shoved out into the rain, with her nose pinned up against the glass, looking in to see them all warm and tight, that she gave up after so many years of this fight, for it hurt her heart too much, this time. And so she walked out that door and didn’t look back, thinking somehow that would save her all those years, to see them in that warm and toasty room. But it didn’t save her, from knowing, from seeing, them sitting where she should have been welcomed too….For the heart knows no reason when it comes to love. It couldn’t let go of them, no matter how much she tried. And so now years later, she wishes that she could just tell that little girl, about how she was made to be lost. But she still loved her. And she always would. For it wasn’t she who had left. No, she had been pushed away so many times, that she finally just couldn’t look back. But now through the years, as things have mended over the rough spots to create hills, hands holding across the miles, she wants to explain, to do, to say, for she should’ve seen that she wasn’t the only one innocent in all of this….If only she knew. I miss you.

Copyright Kat Lyons

 

Picture Reblogged: nevver